A man sits on a bus behind a woman

The woman in front of me doesn't know what I'm about to do. I've caught the same bus as her every week-day for the last six weeks. That's thirty six days that I've caught the same bus as her, and she's never even looked at me. When i first saw her i found her distinctly unattractive, unfashionable, unwanted. Now she's the girl of my dreams. Now she is the girl i dream about. In a nut-shell; you always want what you can't have. But i can have anything i want, and when she steps out at the next stop, I'll prove it.

When the waiting watch met his maker

It’s not that much fun being a watch. Strapped to the wrist of an insolent fool who only brings you out from under his sleeve when he cares to know what time it is. It’s better in the summer; not that many people where long sleeves in the summer. But then, some days, it apparently becomes too hot to wear a watch, as if it is my fault that I heat up a little when the sun is glaring down on me. I am made of metal you know. I had an owner once who complained about me after returning from holiday, as she had an uneven tan line on her left hand, with a white strip in amongst the bronze glory.

“You put me on,” I told her, or I would have done if I had a mouth. Three hands and a face but no mouth was what I had, which I considered to be somewhat of a raw deal.

Another problem with being a watch is all the work. I’m constantly moving my hands about the place, swinging then around like a drunken lollipop lady. This one hand in particular is crazy; I’m telling you, it never stops, around and around and around. I get tired sometimes too, but I don’t even get to stop during the night. You see, it’s commonly known, that stopping is the one thing that no watch can allow themselves to do. I knew this one watch back when I was a kid, Jeff Banks, who, after being cast aside for years in a jewellery box (he swears it was years, and you can’t really argue with a watch over time) decided to take a rest from all the hard work and pointless swinging. He says that he did nothing for a few days then, fully rested, began the arduous task once more. When his owner finally decided he needed to wear his watch again Jeff was ecstatic, but when his owner pulled him out of the box of trinkets he realised that the time was wrong.

“This watch is broken,” he said, and rested it on the side of the table.

“No,” Jeff screamed at him, wanting to explain what happened, “I’m not broken, I just took a rest that’s all.”

But of course Jeff had three hands and a face but no mouth, and no amount of frantic hand swinging was enough to convince his owner that he worked. I met Jeff soon after I was made, and just before he was broken for good.

Happy Love day

So attention is turned, from the dizzying heights of Christmas and the new year, to the wondrous occasion of Valentines day. You know the thing i hate most about Valentines day isn't the loved up couples getting down with each other in public, it's the people who complain about these people. In my opinion love should be celebrated, especially when a guy can ply a girl full of fancy presents in the hope of getting laid.
Also, i'd like to quash the rumor that at this time of year women suddenly become incredibly self conscious if they are single and jump on any guy that talks to them, to make sure they are NOT ALONE on Valentines. this is not true, as the last couple of years i've tried this technique and all i've ever gotten for my efforts is a slap. SO, onto this year, where i'm... in between girlfriends. Well, this year i will be doing what any honorable single dude would do on valentines day, and that's get absolutely shitfaced in my room whilst listening to heavy metal.


Ahhhhhhh good times.

Musically challenged

So i fell like writing about the music i'm listening to.

The Bad Robots
Dogs
Laura MArling
Dogs
The kings of leon
Biffy Clyro
Dogs
Fionn Regan
Hell is for heroes
And Dogs


All of these bands will make it big.
Trust me, i'm never wrong about these things

who would win in a fight?

Me or the guy who gets eaten on the toilet in Jurassic Park